I feel like it’s been a while since I last wrote. There isn’t much to update except Jv did have his surgery on the 18th. The surgery went smoothly, and I really, really enjoyed his anesthesia. Many videos and pictures were made solely for entertainment purposes. He is now almost 2 weeks out post-surgery, and he is doing well. The first few days were rough, but he is now back in the gym walking on the treadmill and lifting 5 pounds weights. He says it’s embarrassing, and he feels like he is in physical therapy. LOL. I tell him it's better than nothing! We were also reminded of how great our circle of friends are. Once again, they took care of us by dropping off food, giving us doordash gift cards and just by simply checking in showing how much they are. We couldn’t do this without them! Jv goes back in 3 months to do another analysis to see if the surgery helped his numbers any, again, it was only a 50/50 chance of it working. He said if he went through all that pain for it not to have helped, he would be highly upset. Ha! So again, back to the waiting game. I’ve caught myself feeling down lately, except my “down” is more like a numbness. The word “weary” also keeps coming to my mind. I love my jobs, but I feel like I’m just in need of a break, physically and mentally. I’m so thankful for my two jobs, but I keep telling Jv that I cannot wait until the day I can have one job and get home before 730-8 every day! There are also other external factors contributing, and I know Jv is feeling the same. We are just TIRED. Anyways, like I’ve said in the past, this journey is truly a rollercoaster. October was very hard, November was fine as we were just focused on the surgery, and then approaching December I feel myself getting into another slump. It really isn’t “getting into one” as it normally just happens like a light switch. I know it won’t last long, my “slumps'” usually last a couple days, maybe a week. It’s just a bummer because Christmas is truly my favorite time of the year, but lately I’ve been finding it hard to get into the “Christmas spirit.” I say November was fine, but Thanksgiving day was actually kind of hard. Social media is truly a game of comparison. Everyone is either posting their kids in cute Thanksgiving/Christmas outfits our announcing their pregnant. Again, I don’t want to sound cynical or bitter because don’t get me wrong, I’m sure I’ll be doing the same when I have a kid, so I don’t blame anyone… it’s just tough at times. I’m not saying any of this for pity, I’m just being real. So far, all my blogs have been extremely transparent, so I’m not going to start sugar coating now. I guess this entry is me preaching to the choir, but I know I’m not the only one feeling discouraged right now. I keep going back to the word “spiritual amnesia” and what that means. I am trying to focus on what God has done instead of what He hasn’t yet. Notice the word, “yet.” Hebrews 10:23 keeps coming to my mind, “Let’s hold firmly to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promise is faithful.” Whatever God has promised you; you can go to bed at night knowing that He is faithful. Again, this blog isn’t just for those struggling with infertility. It doesn’t matter what you are praying and waiting for; a baby, spouse, new job, finances to improve, restored relationships, physical/mental healing, anything! If you aren’t sure of God’s promises, go to the word.
Isaiah 40:29, “He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength;”
Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed;”
Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent;”
Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you;”
Mark 11:24 “ I tell you, you can pray anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours;”
Jeremiah 29:12 “Then you will call upon Me and go pray to Me, and I will listen to you.”
Those are just a few of the things God has promised us as His children! While I was typing this, I have Maverick City’s Christmas album playing and a song mix-up of “Gratitude” came on. Three things stuck out to me from that song:
1. A neuroscience study proved gratitude and anxiety cannot exist in the brain at the same time
2. Our God is not dependent on our feelings
3. Don’t let your worry be louder than your worship. If that isn’t a word for anyone else, I know that was for me!
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